I’m Not Everything I Want to Be

Libuše Jarcovjáková made a name for herself capturing Prague’s underground LGBTQ+ and nightclub scene that flourished under the noses of Communist Czechoslovakia…and that was just one phase of her storied and politically active life. This decades-spanning masterpiece—based on her own personal diaries—won the Special Jury Prize at the 2024 Torino Film Festival.70-year-old Libuše Jarcovjáková has been waiting for an invitation to a prestigious photography exhibition for the last 50 years. All that time she was trying to be a recognized photographer, but no one seemed to care. Now she has to choose photographs that represent her and her work. But what should she show the world? Who is she, really? The story of Jarcovjáková begins in normalization-era Prague, when she sets off, camera around her neck, on a journey through “islands of freedom” that continues to Berlin and Tokyo and circles back to Prague, all the while capturing snapshots of nudity, sex, and alcohol, but also boredom and the straitjacket of normalization. Through her photography and journals, she keeps a record of her everyday struggles, identity exploration, corporeality, relationships, and emotions. The result is tens of thousands of negatives, preserving the transformation of body and soul over decades. But what is Jarcovjáková looking for beyond the mirror?Epilepsy Warning: This film may potentially trigger seizures for people with photosensitive epilepsy.